


Although I ended up with sore lips

by falloutboiruto



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Minor Character Death, Moving On, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-30
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2020-09-30 19:48:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20452601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/falloutboiruto/pseuds/falloutboiruto
Summary: Pearl, beyond Rose.





	Although I ended up with sore lips

**Author's Note:**

> heyoo and welcome to my angst fanfic! it's not meant as character bashing of any character its just me trying to understand pearl better. it does contain a negative portrayal of pearl/rose jsyk, take it or leave it
> 
> beta read by @reaperduckling :3

Becoming the Pearl of Pink Diamond was the greatest honor a simple Pearl such as herself could ever be given. She was supposed to be a gift from White Diamond, an apology for the previous Pearl being taken away from Pink as a punishment for her unseemly shenanigans. Sometimes, however, to Pearl, it felt more like she was a consolation prize, and not a very good one at that. She was supposed to make Pink happy, but she never quite could. Pink could never be happy with the repressive Diamond Authority still looming over her, as she explained quite frequently in the form of what Blue and Yellow called merely tantrums. That’s why Pearl jumped at the chance to take Pink to the kindergarten. _Anything_ to make her smile.

And when that spiraled into a rebellion with Pearl as a solider at the front lines and as not-Pink, Roses’ closest ally and confidante, well…

_“If we lose, we’ll be killed. And if we win, we can never go home,” Rose had said one time. Pearl could imagine it perfectly, always._

Pearl couldn’t imagine existing without Rose at this point, so she, of course, couldn’t refuse. What else?

Even though that ended up with Pink secretly faking her own shattering and living on as Rose with all the awful, awful consequences that followed, Pearl couldn’t even question it. Roses’ logic was infallible, and there was nothing to question as long as they were together.

When almost all their gem friends and enemies likewise present on earth were corrupted and made monstrous, Garnet cried for days. Weeks. Months passed by, with no end. Pearl couldn't even bring herself to meet her eyes, knowing what she was responsible for. Rose didn't seem to be able to do that either, and while they never discussed it (Pearl was technically not even supposed to think of it), Pearl knew with a deep certainty that Rose would never be able to forgive herself for her sins.

So, Pearl never quite did that either. It was easiest not to think about as long as they were together. And when Rose was led astray by human men…well, it didn’t matter, _they_ didn’t matter even if it hurt. Rose simply didn’t know better, and Pearl knew better than anyone why she would try to fill her sadness inside with whatever these encounters with humans gave her. So, Pearl never protested, never explained, never brought anything up. Rose was perfect, so surely she’d understand anyway.

Even when Rose gave up her physical form to become something else, a human child, <strike>for this other random person that knew nothing about her and it made Pearl feel so angry that it made her see red</strike> it wasn’t for Pearl to question. Although if it felt like what she imagined being shattered over and over and over and over and over and over again (metaphorically speaking) was like.

Rose certainly had a lot of things to escape from, things that Pearl had tried to forget for thousands of years. Perhaps, in a way, Rose wanted to forget too. Pearl could almost understand that.

Maybe in due time.

*

After Rose and everything that meant, sometimes, Pearl would mourn the person she used to be. This new-found neuroticism, though almost always well-intentioned, resulted in unnecessary conflict. Silly, petulant conflict, seeming completely minuscule contrasted to the all-out battles she used to fight and the soldier she used to be. But somehow, the infighting with Amethyst over dirty dishes in the sink hurt more. It felt more personal, got more under her skin like splinters under her fingernails.

There was nothing wrong with the newly introduced Steven though, Pearl l_oved_ him. He was great, just… frustrating sometimes. It wasn’t his fault though. More and more, it had begun to feel like it wasn’t quite Pearl’s fault either. Not even blaming Greg felt fair anymore. But that’s as far as Pearl could ever think without having a nervous breakdown, so she just didn’t.

*

_“I don’t think I was quite fair to you either when I pursued Rose,” Greg had sort of said, one time. Pearl’s memory kept paraphrasing things he said. “I mean, I _knew_ you liked her.”_

That night at the fancy hotel, forgiving Greg for… what exactly? Stealing her not-official but longtime lover? It would perhaps be more accurate to define Rose as a lover so longtime that she got bored of Pearl so routinely that it didn’t quite count as stealing at that point, Pearl realized now.

Anyways; forgiveness. It was better than Pearl had ever hoped for. However, she had a definite feeling that he wasn’t the person she needed to forgive the most. But how could Pearl possibly forgive _her_ when Pearl wasn’t even _allowed_ to tell Rose’s son the truth, the ultimate truth, about his parent? It was like the ghost of Rose still haunted her, forcing her into silence with a loving yet smothering embrace.

*

Working around the gag-order and finally telling Steven about Rose’s true identity was the breaking point. Pearl now knew that what she needed to care for the most was not the secrets of someone in the past, but the future of her most important person in the present. She saw that now.

All and all, Rose, although surely oh so well-intentioned, had made some mistakes. It was ok to feel hurt by them. It was only by acknowledging this feeling of hurt Pearl could ever move on.

Surely, one day she would.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! please leave kudos and comments if you've liked this!


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